Category: Parents Zone

Written by: Ms. Carmen Leung, Specialist in Child Development Psychology

DHA only provides nutrients for children’s brain development. To make children smarter, their brains must receive proper exercise. This time, I will introduce some brain-training games that are very suitable for children aged 2 to primary school age!

1. Maze or Spot the Difference Brain Exercises

Although Maze and Spot the difference brain exercises were our childhood games, they are still good friends for children in this era. In addition to mazes and spot the difference, there are many different modes of brain exercises. In short, any image game that requires children to observe and focus to complete tasks belongs to brain exercises. Do you know Wally (translated as “Where’s Wally?” in Chinese)? It is one of the most popular brain games in the world.

In fact, brain games do not necessarily need to be purchased or printed in books. We can easily create brain games at home. For example, parents can place two Swiss candies in a pile of miscellaneous items, and the child will find them with great concentration!

2. Tidying Up and Categorizing Household Items

Everyday activities, such as tidying up and categorizing items, are excellent opportunities to exercise the brain. Organizing items systematically not only enhances children’s organizational skills but also stimulates their creativity. Sometimes, children’s methods of categorization may differ from those of adults, but they have their own logic. Parents should ask their children why they categorize items in a certain way, as this can reveal that children’s observational skills might be sharper than expected. They use the details they observe to categorize, so parents should avoid imposing adult methods of categorization to prevent discouraging their children’s initiative in problem-solving.

You might wonder, “What if my child doesn’t like tidying up?” If your child hasn’t yet developed the habit of tidying and categorizing household items, start with games to motivate them to complete the “mission.” For example, you can organize a “Room Tidy-Up Competition” or a “Cleaning Day” where family members help each other tidy up. These activities encourage children to tidy and categorize, while also exercising their “brain power.”

3. Memory Games

There are many memory game cards available, such as turning over a dozen cards and taking turns to flip two at a time. If the two cards match, you can keep them. Additionally, there are cards with different objects drawn on them. Parents can lay them out in a row, let the child look at them, then turn them over and ask the child to remember where a specific object is. These are excellent memory games, and both adults and children can get creative and change the rules to make the games more interesting.

Besides memory game cards, everyday life is full of rich memory games. For example, you can ask your child to find items they have seen you place somewhere before, or have them hide some items and then find them after a long period.

In summary, training children’s brain power and intelligence is not difficult at all. With a bit of thought and creativity, many everyday details can become opportunities for children to exercise their brains!

Written by: Hong Kong Registered Psychologist, Ching Wai Keung

Around nine months of age, babies become unusually clingy. Even if the mother goes to the bathroom, the baby may appear extremely anxious, clinging tightly to the mother and even crying loudly.

Separation anxiety can lead to two different types of reactions. In some cases, when separated from the caregiver, the baby will exhibit attachment-seeking behaviors, such as clinging to the mother, trying every possible way to find the mother, or crawling wherever the mother goes (Ainsworth, Bell, & Stayton, 1971). Separation can also result in behaviors such as despair, resistance, and detachment, depending on the duration of the separation (Bowlby, 1960; Robertson & Robertson, 1989).

A child’s reaction to separation can also change depending on the environment. For example, in a familiar home environment, the child will exhibit less anxiety compared to being in an unfamiliar environment (Ross, Kagan, Zelazo, & Kotelchuck, 1975).

Around seven months of age, the concept of
object permanence begins to emerge in children. They understand that even if
they cannot see someone or something, it does not mean that the person or
object has disappeared. When children are able to establish this concept, their
separation anxiety will relatively decrease. If the mother can frequently
communicate with the child, express positive emotions and feelings towards the
infant, and provide appropriate stimulation and assistance, the child will more
easily grasp and apply the concept of object permanence to both objects and
people (Chazan, 1981).Helping children cope with separation
anxiety requires a certain amount of time, allowing the child and caregiver to
develop a close, attached emotional relationship (Attachment), and waiting for
the child’s own development to mature before it can be effective. For a
two-year-old child, they can use photographs to alleviate their feelings of
sorrow when separated from their caregiver (Passman & Longeway, 1982); a
three-year-old child can even stay overnight at their grandparents’ house
without their parents being present.Whether a child can develop this kind of
“resilience” depends on whether the caregiver and the child can
establish a close emotional relationship. Once the mutual relationship is
established, the child can soothe their anxiety caused by separation by
imagining the image of their parents and recalling their parents’ love
(Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth,
2003).

Firstly, we must understand that it is extremely important for children to be able to express the emotion of anger for their development of autonomy. During early childhood (around two to three years old), the developmental crisis is precisely ‘development of autonomy’ versus ‘shame and doubt’ (Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt). What we should address is the behavior resulting from the child’s emotions, not to prohibit or even negate the child’s emotions.

Additionally, anger is a common emotion, experienced by both children and parents. When children attempt to express their anger, they often model their parents’ behavior. If parents display anger towards their children, or if there is arguing between parents, children will use these behaviors as important references for developing and controlling their emotions (Bandura, 1977). Arguments between parents, malicious teasing, or even violence can heighten children’s sensitivity to anger and disrupt their normal development (Cummings, Pellegrini, Notarius, & Cummings, 1989). Therefore, for children to have a good temperament, parents must first pay attention to their own ways of interacting.”

What methods can help young children better control and reduce the intensity of their anger? Berkowitz and Thompson offer the following suggestions (Berkowitz, 1973; Thompson, 1990):

1. Ignoring offensive behaviors: If the behavior is aimed at obtaining a specific object (such as a toy), parents should not satisfy the child due to their behavior, nor should they punish them for it; simply not responding may suffice.
2. Use of a ‘calm down corner’: Set up a quiet area in the home, free from any stimuli or attractions, as a space for children to calm down. When a child has an emotional outburst or behaves inappropriately, they can be sent to this calm down corner. This isn’t necessarily a form of reprimand but a way to allow the child’s emotions to settle, similar to the need to use the restroom; it’s a normal requirement. If used appropriately, when children feel emotional in the future, they might naturally go to the calm down corner to soothe themselves.
3. Evoking emotions incompatible with anger, especially empathy for the victim.
4. Reducing exposure to situations or objects that may trigger the child’s anger: Before children have fully developed self-control, reducing opportunities for anger also means reducing conflicts between parents and children.
5. Explaining the consequences of their behavior.
6. Examining the causes of the angry emotions.

(Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth, 2003, pp. 197)

The above strategies can be tailored to different situations. For instance, if a child acts violently out of anger, parents can focus on explaining the consequences and evoking empathy for the victim. If a child is throwing a tantrum to obtain an object, parents can ignore their negative behavior. Additionally, these strategies can be combined; for example, after a child has calmed down in the calm down corner, parents can explain the consequences of their actions. Ultimately, the choice of strategy should depend on the child’s capabilities; for example, explaining the consequences in detail to a child who cannot yet speak might only increase conflict.

Once parents have decided on a strategy for each situation, the most important aspect is consistency. Simply put, consistency can be divided into two aspects: firstly, the same behavior should always result in the same outcome, avoiding a situation where ignoring is used one time and scolding another, which can confuse the child. Secondly, every caregiver should use the same approach to reinforce the message that “this behavior is inappropriate.”

Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah

In situations where social resources are scarce, children have little that is fun or interesting to engage with; however, when the objects in front of them show no minor changes and there are no detailed verbal or written instructions, children can still observe the differences and similarities between what they see now and what they have seen before, or make associations with other things they have encountered. They even try to describe their observations in their own words. This is active learning, which not only educates the mind but also unconsciously enhances psychological qualities.

With the continuous advancement of modern technology, everyone can travel the world instantly from the comfort of their homes through television or smartphones. But does watching TV or online information require concentration? It turns out that being able to watch video messages does not necessarily mean that children are attentively learning, as this falls under the category of passive learning. It requires colorful messages and continuous verbal narration, and lacking any of these elements might lead to a lack of focus.

Even though students still need to learn in classrooms today, with the help of information technology, it seems possible for them to see distant scenarios without boundaries. Unfortunately, there are still shortcomings; they need to experience these settings firsthand to gain a more comprehensive understanding and learning experience. Modern learning requires the involvement of more sensory channels to stimulate students’ motivation to learn. Are there other options available?

Human desires are endless, but resources are finite. Is it possible to endlessly stimulate learning through multiple senses? Should we pause and consider why more and more people are proposing vegetarianism, or having a meat-free day on Mondays? Some suggest returning to a simpler, more primitive way of life. Learning activities and arrangements might need similar actions to help children grasp the essence of learning and experience the authenticity of the learning process.

To achieve this reversal, guidance from parents and teachers is needed to change the trends and habits of this era; there are now some suggested activities for parents and teachers to consider, such as: trying to turn off the volume of the television, letting them experience what it is like to be deaf, only able to see and not hear to absorb information; they can also cover the television screen with cloth, making them feel like they are listening to a radio, only able to imagine the scene from other people’s speech, still able to grasp the plot without visual aid, and for example, placing some food in one of three cups, asking them to smell which cup contains the food, which is a lot of kinesthetic learning.

Parents and teachers make some small actions in teaching, which may produce some unclear factors that make them hesitate, but at the same time, it also generates more curiosity, and under guidance, they can have greater motivation to learn, starting from being moved emotionally and intellectually, then leading them to pursue what they want to hear and see, becoming active and enthusiastic learners!

Written by: American Association for Play Therapy, Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor, Registered Social Worker Chan Tsz Wai

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a sense of security is the second basic human need, just after physiological needs. Children who lack a sense of security may exhibit many behavioral problems. Without sufficient support to confidently explore the world, and without enough confidence that someone can provide safe protection, they may send misleading signals through problematic behaviors to express their emotional needs. Often, parents think that managing behavior more strictly will solve these behavioral issues in children, but this approach can backfire, leading to even less fulfillment of the child’s emotional needs.

Years of research have found that a sense of security is based on establishing a secure attachment relationship with caregivers. Children with secure attachment relationships have a higher ability to regulate their emotions, solve problems on their own, have higher self-esteem and empathy, and possess better social skills and the ability to establish good relationships with others. However, how to establish a secure attachment relationship with children is a challenge for many parents.

Understanding the needs of children

Sometimes children need to explore the world on their own and use their abilities to solve problems, while at other times they need the help of their parents to regulate their emotions. Parents need to know when to let go and when to extend their hands to offer hugs and support, which requires careful observation of the child’s needs. Young children may wander far in the park, wanting to explore the world on their own, and older children may show displeasure when parents supervise their homework, indicating a need for parents to support their exploration. However, when a child falls and cries in pain or is troubled and in tears because they do not understand their homework, that is the time when they need their parents’ help to regulate their emotions.

Being Present with Your Child

When children are emotional, parents often try to quickly find a way to deal with it. However, being present with the child is what they need the most and is the most effective way to help them develop the ability to regulate their emotions. When children are emotional, parents just need to accompany them, accept and empathize with their emotions, and verbalize the child’s feelings to make them feel accepted and understood by their parents. This is the foundation of a secure attachment relationship.

Being a Firm and Controlled Parent

Parents might think that understanding their child’s feelings means losing control, but on the contrary, parents actually need to control and set limits while understanding their child’s emotional state to provide them with a sense of security. For example, when it’s time to leave the park and the child throws a tantrum because they don’t want to leave, parents can understand their child’s feelings but must also firmly insist on leaving. Or if a child often procrastinates on homework because they find it difficult, parents can understand the child’s difficulty but must also enforce the consequences of procrastination. Therefore, gentle yet firm parents can make their children feel secure.

Understanding How Your Own Upbringing Affects Your Parenting

We learn how to be parents from our own parents, and we also carry the baggage of our childhood. When we encounter difficulties in interacting with our children, it is often related to our own upbringing. Some parents, whose own parents were too busy with work to spend time with them, may give more time to their children when they become parents. However, when they invest time but still face emotional challenges from their children, and they themselves lack the experience of having their emotions satisfied and understood, they may struggle to meet their children’s needs due to their own unresolved emotions. Therefore, parents should first understand how their own upbringing affects them, and then they can adjust themselves when interacting with their children, carefully observing and responding to their children’s needs.

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

Hong Kong is a society abundant in material wealth, but due to the overabundance of resources, when children have needs in life, parents quickly provide them with ample supply, allowing them continuous satisfaction. However, parents satisfying their children’s needs too quickly can have a negative impact on them, failing to cultivate their ability to endure, and over time, their patience may become limited.

Utilizing Emotional Intelligence to Cultivate Children’s Patience

Delaying gratification or the fulfillment of life’s needs is an important part of developing emotional intelligence (EQ). If parents are accustomed to quickly satisfying their children’s needs but then complain about their lack of patience, such criticism is unfair to the children, as their patience has simply not been nurtured.

How can one delay the fulfillment of children’s needs? To train children’s emotional intelligence, the secret is “neither using the cane nor the carrot,” meaning that neither corporal punishment nor frequent rewards are necessary. Instead, patience and the ability to wait are cultivated through daily life experiences. Parents can try the following examples:

Example 1: When parents and children go to a dim sum restaurant, there is no need to let the children eat whatever they like immediately. Parents can ask the children to wait for 5 minutes after finishing one basket of dim sum before eating a second type; or they can require the children to wait until the parents have eaten a portion before they can eat. In this way, parents and children take turns eating the dim sum.

Example 2: When children ask their parents to buy toys, parents do not need to purchase them immediately. They can explain to the child to wait a few hours, days, or a week before buying, asking the children to wait patiently.

Example 3: When children return home from the street, do not let them turn on the TV immediately as they please. They must be asked to put away their shoes and socks, drink a glass of water, and sit on the sofa for 3 minutes before they can turn on the TV.

Example 4: When children go out with their parents, do not let them rush to press the elevator button immediately. Parents can ask them to wait for the parents to go out together, walk to the elevator together, and then press the button.

Parents Must Be Consistent and Credible to Train Children’s Intelligence

These are just a few examples. Parents must make good use of the “dragging tactic” in life’s details. Using the dragging tactic does not mean denying or refusing the children’s needs, but rather not satisfying them immediately. What parents need to pay attention to is that when using these tactics, they must follow through with what they say. No matter if the children act spoiled, throw a tantrum, cry, or scream, parents must stick to the principle of “dragging”; additionally, parents must also be credible and do what they have promised the children.

Furthermore, when children make requests, parents can ask the children to explain their reasons, which not only trains their emotional intelligence (EQ) but also their intelligence (IQ). By putting a little more effort into the details of children’s lives, parents can effectively help train their children’s emotional intelligence. Parents might as well give it a try!

Written by: Registered Public Health Nutritionist (UK) and Nutritionist, Ng Pui Yu

Many parents have encountered the issue of their children having difficulty with bowel movements. When this problem arises, parents usually increase the fiber content in their children’s diet, but the effectiveness varies from person to person. What should be noted in this process?

What is an appropriate amount of fiber?

Many people know that eating foods high in fiber such as whole grains, nuts, beans, fruits (like prunes, figs, kiwis, bananas, apples, pears, etc.) and vegetables (like eggplants, bell peppers, daylilies, amaranth, broccoli, cabbage, mustard greens, spinach, Chinese broccoli, snow fungus, mushrooms, etc.) can stimulate intestinal peristalsis. It turns out that when fiber absorbs water, it becomes soft and expands like a sponge, stimulating the urge to defecate. Sufficient fiber also helps promote the growth of beneficial bacteria in the intestines, which can improve constipation. It is important to note that when increasing dietary fiber, it should be done gradually, increasing slowly every few days, otherwise, if the body cannot adapt, it may make the stool even harder.

The daily dietary fiber requirement for children is their age plus 5 grams. For example, a 4-year-old child should have a daily dietary fiber intake of about 4+5=9 grams. To consume enough fiber, children aged 2 to 5 years old need at least 1.5 servings of vegetables (1 serving = 1/2 bowl of cooked vegetables) and at least 1 serving of fruit (1 serving = 1 medium-sized fruit, such as an orange or apple) per day.

Is the water intake really sufficient?

Often, parents claim that their child drinks a lot of water, but the bowel movements are still not ideal. Upon further inquiry, it turns out that they only drink about 500 to 600 milliliters a day, which is not enough. Parents should know that fiber and water are partners; there must be enough water for the fiber to absorb, swell, and soften, which stimulates intestinal peristalsis. If there is sufficient fiber but not enough water, it can make the stool hard and even more difficult to pass. In fact, children aged 2 to 5 years old need 4 to 5 cups of fluid a day, which is about 1000 to 1250 milliliters, and at least half of this should be plain water. If the weather is hot or dry, if there is a lot of sweating, if the child is very active, or if the dietary fiber intake is increased, then more water should be consumed.

Additionally, daily appropriate exercise can also help stimulate intestinal peristalsis and aid in bowel movements; developing a habit of going to the toilet at regular times can also help improve constipation.

Dietary Fiber Content Chart (Source: Department of Health)

Food	Dietary Fiber Content (grams)
Grains
White Rice, 1 bowl	0.8
Brown Rice, 1 bowl	4.5
Whole Wheat Bread, 1 slice	3.4
Oatmeal (Dry), 1/3 bowl	2.7
Fruits / Dried Fruits
Apple, with skin, 1 medium	4.4
Orange, 1 medium	3.1
Banana, 1 piece	3.1
Dried Plums, pitted, 3 pieces	2.0
Raisins, seedless, small box	1.5
Dried Apricots, pitted, 5 pieces	2.6
Vegetables
Broccoli, cooked, 1/2 bowl	2.6
Chinese Broccoli, cooked, 1/2 bowl	1.3
Lettuce, raw, 1 bowl	0.9
Tomato, raw, 1 medium	1.5
Corn Kernels, cooked, 1/2 bowl	2.0
Green Peas, cooked, 1/2 bowl	4.4
Sweet Potato, cooked, peeled, 1 medium	3.8
Legumes
Lima Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl	5.6
Soybeans, cooked, 1/2 bowl	5.2
Red Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl	8.4
Mung Beans, cooked, 1/2 bowl	7.7

1 bowl = 240 ml

Note: Everyone’s health condition is different, so it is advisable to consult a dietitian for individual dietary plans and precautions.

As children grow up, many parents may find that their children become increasingly resistant to having heart-to-heart talks. The children may feel awkward, or perhaps the family relationships have not been very close since childhood. Dr. Wong Chung Hin, a specialist in psychiatry, points out, “It is crucial for parents to establish a good parent-child relationship from an early age. If parents suspect emotional issues in their children, in addition to observing changes in their behavior, they can guide their children to express their thoughts and understand their inner world.”

As mentioned earlier, parents and children should establish a parent-child relationship from a young age, setting aside time each day for parent-child communication and engaging in interesting family activities together. Dr. Wong emphasizes, “A close parent-child relationship helps children express themselves to their parents. Even as they grow older, they will be more willing to express themselves and have trust in their family.”

However, if a child is unwilling to reveal their thoughts and parents notice changes in their behavior (refer to: https://www.parentsdaily.com.hk/expert/4073), Dr. Wong advises parents to patiently guide their children to express their inner feelings. “When children express their thoughts, parents should listen patiently and provide them with the opportunity to express themselves. Establish a daily parent-child chatting time, allowing children to have a channel to express themselves at home. Parents should remember that once children mention symptoms related to emotional issues, parents should not criticize or constantly deny their children.”

Dr. Wong continues, “Everyone has their own thoughts and perspectives, and parents are no exception. I once had a parent tell me that their child refused to go to school and do homework, and their emotions would spiral out of control every time they were urged to go to school. However, when the child stayed home to play video games, they seemed very happy, leading the parent to think the child was just lazy and ‘pretending.’ However, parents should carefully understand the reasons behind the child’s reluctance to go to school and not dismiss any emotional issues the child may have, to avoid missing crucial moments for addressing emotional problems.” If, after parental guidance, the child still refuses to discuss their situation, parents can contact the school to learn about the child’s situation at school.

Dr. Wong recalls a case involving a high school student: “This student suddenly called the clinic one day and asked if it was necessary for parents to accompany him. Later, the student came for a consultation with friends, revealing that he had a poor relationship with his family. After sharing with friends, they suggested seeking professional advice. During the treatment process, I slowly built a good doctor-patient relationship with him, gained his trust, and hoped to help rebuild his relationship with his family.” Dr. Wong laments that not every case receives family support, so the role of schools is crucial. When young people encounter emotional or stress-related issues and cannot confide in their families, they can seek assistance from trusted adults.

In light of the recent increase in suicide tragedies, Dr. Wong advises parents to understand that a child’s holistic development involves more than just academic achievements; it also includes mental health. Dr. Wong understands that a child’s stress often comes from academic and family expectations. “Whether students or parents, I hope everyone can equip themselves well in stressful environments. Equipping oneself does not necessarily mean extra tutoring but taking good care of one’s mental health and achieving balance in life. Parents and schools should also teach students about the importance of mental health and promote the holistic growth of students’ physical and mental well-being.”

Written by: Senior Early Childhood Education Consultant, Miss Mok Loi Yan

Many parents have asked me about storytelling topics that are challenging to explain to young children, such as stories involving death, like “The Little Match Girl,” or stories with violence, like “Little Red Riding Hood.” Due to the detailed depiction of events in the storybooks and lifelike illustrations, children may experience significant fear of death after listening to or reading such stories. They might be unable to express their inner discomfort, and some children even burst into tears after hearing these stories. What was originally meant to be an enjoyable parent-child storytelling time ends up having the opposite effect, triggering a heavy psychological burden on the children and leaving parents feeling guilty and unsure of how to handle the aftermath.

Fewer Characters, Positive Plot

I advise parents to start by selecting stories that are deemed suitable for a child’s mental and comprehension level from the vast array available in libraries. These stories typically have fewer characters, and a positive plot, and are easy for parents to use during interactive storytelling to help children understand causality and emotions. Stories with fewer characters allow children to focus more on understanding the transformation of the characters’ inner selves, behavior, and values within the story context.

Choosing stories with a positive plot helps build qualities such as self-awareness, problem-solving skills, confidence, and analytical ability in children. These positive aspects counterbalance stories with negative themes, bad situations in stories, or the ability to face difficulties in reality. Therefore, unless parents are certain that their children have accumulated a sufficient foundation of resilience from such stories and mental experiences, they should avoid exposing children to stories with terrifying or negative themes until these prerequisites are met.

Inspiring Cognitive Growth and Positive Character Principles

Secondly, starting with the educational significance that stories bring to children, it is crucial to steadfastly adhere to the principles of inspiring children’s cognitive growth and fostering positive character development! Regardless of how convincingly the storyteller portrays evil and villains, don’t forget the original intention! Storytelling education is a process of interactive learning between the audience and the storyteller, stemming from the direct description of scenes, associated information, and the shared underlying meaning. These observations, descriptions, awareness, and interactive content arise from the mental and emotional states of the audience and storyteller at that moment, as well as their accumulated personal experiences.

The role of the storyteller in education is highly important. In addition to carefully preparing and reading the story content, emphasizing key points and conveying the underlying meaning clearly, the storyteller should also be prepared to trigger children’s thinking about people and events at certain points in the story. Providing opportunities for the exchange of values in description and atmosphere creation is essential. Most importantly, observe the audience’s reactions while listening to the story and engage in interactive parts that deepen thought and sustain curiosity.

Dramatization and interaction should be humanized

Thirdly, ensure that the dramatization and interaction by the storyteller have the invigorating effect of being humanized and appealing to innate goodness. Whether in stories or the real world, children face different psychological and situational challenges that provide them with important opportunities for development. These experiences make them happier and more resilient than children who grow up in a sheltered environment. As the guiding light for children, we should equip them with the abilities needed for their journeys in life. Therefore, gradually tailor stories to children’s life experiences and cognitive levels, providing narratives of different levels, encounters, or aspects of human nature for them to hear.

When the storyteller portrays negative characters or delves into psychological crossroads and choices involving human nature, it is even more crucial to vividly depict the inner dialogue of conscience. The storyteller, assuming a narrative role, should provide children with positive consequences as a reference and analyze the relationships between themselves, characters, and situations. When parents engage in storytelling education with children, any decisions made in response to presented scenarios must be voluntary. Allowing children to experiment, face challenges, or find solace in the virtual world is essential. Moreover, it is important to make children aware of the parents’ stance and understand that parents are open to discussion and can be approached for communication! If the interactions spark reflective thoughts on love in children, helping them find their position in these values, the storyteller has successfully illuminated an outstanding life for the child through the story.